Nine Years Ago Today.
POSTED AT 01:48 PM in thinking out loud, family, Dad

an2netluv

August 29, 2010

Dear Dad,

It's been nine years, and it's been a world of a difference since you left us. I have been writing for a reputable entertainment magazine for two years, and it's been great so far. I've also been living on my own, and I think you would've been proud to see that I try my best to handle my independence with the responsibility you had always instilled in us. My place still gets cluttered every now and then, but I'm getting there. Hehehe. By the way, remember when you told me I should eat more because I don't have the body type of someone who gets fat easily? Well, I'm sorry to say that you had been wrong about that, Dad. Since you've been gone, I have been overweight twice, and now that I'm 23, I remain mindful of my weight and try all these (heathy) stuff to keep off the flab. It would've been nice to go jogging with you around the UP acad oval.

 

Photoshoot at our Makati home with Mom as the photographer.Circa 1990

When I was still stick-thin. Junior Ms. Montessori Pageant, Dec. 1997. Minutes later, Dad was rushing to Commonwealth Ave. after a speeding car hit a co-candidate/batchmate while crossing the highway.

You would've also been happy to know that I am still an active choir member, and the Church continues to soar to new heights despite the great grief we experienced and still continue to feel because of Sir's passing a year ago. Kuya is now working for Net 25, hand in hand with his church obligations. I am personally curious as to when we'd hear wedding bells ring, but knowing him, I bet he'd just surprise us all. As of now, he has a love affair with his bicycle, with which he's been having dates on different bike trails around the region. Juliet is now on her third year in college and pretty soon we'd have a nurse in the family. Thankfully, our little sister (who's not so little anymore) has shown enormous strength amid struggle, perseverance in the face of trials, and such a beautiful spirit despite the many hardships she's had to experience since you left. You would've been very proud of her, as Kuya and I are.

 

After Kuya co-officiated the WS at a Manila locale on one of Dad's death anniversaries.

 

The day I first met Juliet. Lucena, Quezon. April 9, 1998.

We miss you, whenever we eat out together. We miss our conversations, how you'd crack jokes over tempura, or amaze us with your police adventures over Mongolian bowls, or how you'd just burst into a song while having breakfast at home.

Mom, Jay, and I just came from a trip to Singapore with Mom's friend, and while I was at the Changi airport, I saw these postcards. It reminded me of the many postcards you sent us while you were on your business trips when we were still kids. I clearly remember one postcard you had sent from Japan. It had a couple of lines that said: "I am now in Japan, the land of the rising sun. You too will get your chance to visit here some day." Well, I'm slowly doing that now, Dad. So far, I've been to many places around the country, then to Hong Kong and  Singapore. I have yet to go to Japan because it's too expensive there and I heard getting a visa is a pain.

One of Dad's postcards from Korea. Dated June 21, 1997.

 Nami Resort in Boracay circa 2003/2004.

Disneyland, Hong Kong circa 2005.

Plantation Bay, Cebu. December 2007.

 

Universal Studios, Singapore. August 2010.

I miss you. I think of you everyday. I remember you when I'm upset over something I failed to do, like when I don't manage my time well (like I had often done back in High School). I remember how you would stroke my hair and tell me we can only do so much, and it doesn't make us bad if we sometimes lose. I remember you when I'm having a good day, like when my cover story that wasn't about purely showbiz hit the stands. I imagined how you would've been secretly smiling inside a bookstore, clutching your copy while teasing me about my errors.

A few days after you were laid to rest, one of your friends told me of an incident when I had been walking ahead of you up the stairs at home, and you almost tripped because you had noticed how tall I had gotten. Also, when Kuya Rico told me how proud you had been when you saw me in my toga, sitting smack in the middle of the chorus when I made it to the Murphy choir. I miss talking to you about current events, especially during my college days, and most recently with what's been happening in the country and to the PNP. I wonder how low their morale is nowadays, and I long to know what your side on the issue would have been.

When Dad received his third star. Malacañang Palace circa 1998/1999.

But mostly, I just miss you Dad. I miss your physical presence. I miss seeing your black Nissan Cefiro enter the driveway, watching you get out of the driver's side wearing long-sleeved barong and black slacks, opening the screen door where the three of us would be waiting to each give you three kisses and a tight bear hug. I often think of that scene whenever I feel like crying--which is more often than I would want to admit--and I'd like to say that it makes things less painful, but it doesn't. It never has and it probably never will.

I might have grown up since we had last seen each other...but I will always be your little girl.

 

At Lolo Celso & Lola Badang's Wedding Anniversary. Central Locale, circa 1988/1989.

    I love you. Nine years haven't erased the pain of watching you go. And the years to come will never fill the emptiness of not having you around to share the happiness when we achieve something and the pain when things fall apart.

                                              

                                                                                                                                    -Tekla

P.S. Just this morning I couldn't help but marvel at how apt the worship service lesson was for me and my siblings. I am just thankful that even though you are no longer around, He is still there to guide and comfort us along the way.

Tonight, I'll dance.
POSTED AT 11:46 PM

an2netluv

I had a really crappy day today. I don't even want to elaborate. It was just one of those times when I am clutching on straws to prevent myself from breaking down in public. Thankfully, it got better toward the end. After I finished my interview, I decided to watch the last full show of Step Up 3D. I know the title says it's 3D, but the one I watched in Shang wasn't. It's okay though, I'm not really a fan of 3D. It makes me dizzy.

 

Anyway, my point is, earlier, while I was praying to God for strength to get me through today, I never thought I'll find the answer in dancing. It has been so long, ages, a lifetime even. I guess I got so caught up in the "real world," one of the things the film pointed out. It's just that when I was in Pep Squad, I wasn't really one of the performers, I was more like just part of the ensemble. But nevertheless, it was one of the happiest times of my life, and definitely the best time I had in college.

So it felt surreal to remember it all inside the theater. How dancing can literally mean the world to you, and how you could fulfill your other dreams and still be a dancer. I cried. Of course I cried. Because the movie reminded me of so much more than dancing. Sigh.

Okay, before I start crying again, I'll share with you a clip from the movie. This routine left my mouth hanging. It's SERIOUSLY SICK!!!

Currently listening to: What If
Currently reading: American Wife by Curtis Sittenfeld