What a year.
POSTED AT 01:23 AM

an2netluv

This year has been the worst for me. Worse than when I lost my father, worse than when I had my first heartbreak, worse than when someone close to me betrayed me, worse than when I got sick. I've never felt so alone and insignificant, I've never lost so much self-esteem. This has truly been the worst. 

 

The only thing I'm thankful for is the faith I still have and the pockets of happy moments when I thought someone loved me. I know I have friends, friends I see from time to time, but I don't really have that one friend I can call whenever and just pour my heart out to. Well, I thought I did, but now I'm not too sure. 

 

The only one who has never left my side is God, and that's the only real thing I can be thankful for this year. 

 

For 2012, I don't wish for much, only that I find something to be genuinely happy about. I can't remember the last time I was truly happy, laughed heartily and smiled genuinely. 

 

 

I pray that one day every little thing will fall into their proper places, when everything that's happening now will make sense, when every heartache I'm feeling will have proven its worth.

 

But right now, I just want to be happy again. 

Mahahanap din kita.
POSTED AT 12:29 AM in thinking out loud, l'amour

an2netluv

Dear Man of My Dreams, 

 

 

Hi. I don't know if we've met, I'm hoping we have, but just in case you stumble upon this and we don't know each other yet, here are some things you might want to know about me. 

 

I'm a little bit of a mess right now. I've been hurt, I'm still hurting, but I know I'll get through it somehow because I know one day I'll be with you and it will all be worth it. 

 

I want you to know that I haven't smiled genuinely for some time now. But when I find you, or when you find me, I look forward to the moment when I exhale and smile a genuine smile because finally everything is right with the world. I'll hold your hand and spend the rest of my life with you. 

 

Here are a few tips to get you to charm me, although you'll eventually really will because you're the man of my dreams and we're destined to be together! Hehe.

 

1. I'd really love to receive a bouquet of Holland Tulips. I pass by their stalls a hundred times and I've always thought how wonderful it would be if I receive such a beautiful arrangement of flowers. 

 

2. I don't really love chocolates. But if I have to eat them, then I choose Butterfinger and Maltesers. I'm a simple girl to please, you don't have to give me Belgian whatever types of chocs. Hehe.

 

3. I love surprises. May they be little or grand, I hope you'd take the time to plan a little something like a daytrip adventure or whatnot that will catch me completely offguard.

 

4. I enjoy concerts and band gigs. I'm also game for a live basketball or boxing match. A football game might be a nice date too!

 

5. I'm a sucker for letters. We live in a hi-tech world nowadays, it's nice to hold a piece of paper that I can keep and read over and over for the following years. Ones I can show our children and grandchildren. Hehe.

 

I wish one day I can go back to this blog entry and say that YAY! He's found me. I may be hurting now but I'll hold on to the hope that you're just out there taking your time. Or maybe you're also making your own list for me to find.